The Advice from A Father That Helped Me when I became a First-Time Father

"I believe I was just trying to survive for a year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

However the reality rapidly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct statement "You're not in a good place. You need support. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles dads encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a larger reluctance to communicate amongst men, who often absorb harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a show of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a break - spending a few days overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "poor actions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."